howto

having been to a ton of trade shows i have to say the gaming industry probably has the most fun. here’s my report from GDC 2004 San Jose:

i live in san mateo, so i figured i might as well stop by the game developers conference… blizzard was going to be there, and maybe if i impressed them with my amazing social skills and whatnot they’d realize what a great beta tester i would be and give me a key or something. so that was my premise for going to gdc.

unfortunately it costs $150 to $200 for just an expo pass (unless you’re a student) so obviously there’s no way i’m gonna spend much cash to play xbox in san jose. it’s time to get your forgery skills out… i crafted myself a student id from some random college, glued it to the front of my safeway card, and bingo i’m a student.

oh yah i also have this job. take a sick day. i get on my kawasaki and ride down the 101 to the convention center, where parking is imposible. they don’t give motorcycles a break, you have to pay the full car price. so i pull around the back and park by an air conditioning vent. hopefully security doesn’t have me towed.

enter the conference. i get in line for my badge, adrenalin pumping simply because now it’s time to see if my new student id passes the test. guy takes my drivers license and student id, looks at them for a second and *poof* i’m in. sweet. now what to do for the next three hours until the main floor opens…

the doors open and i make a straight line to the blizzard camp. having already checked the map i know exactly where they are. first one up to the booth! make small talk with the guy there… d’oh he’s from blizzard north, recruiting for jobs and whatnot. i don’t want a job, i want a beta. so i ask him if they’re having any raffles or any beta give-aways today and he says, “huh. that would have been a good idea”. crap. nope they have no betas here to give away. well can i take a picture of your huge orc? sure:

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He weighs in at somewhere in excess of 17 stone, has suffered several heart attacks and undergone triple heart bypass surgery. With his protruding belly, addiction to doughnuts and Duff beer and his fear of any form of physical exercise, Homer Simpson is nobody’s idea of a figure of good health. links

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15:30 < MontyMort> lol
15:30 < marthastewart> that’d be a good WoW name: Spawnmore Overlords
15:30 < MontyMort> ha ha
15:30 < Morbilus> hehe
15:30 < MontyMort> it would
15:30 <+Hadjinim> yeah, it fits right in^^
15:31 < UTisOwn> how about Battlecruiser Operational ?
15:31 < UTisOwn> or Marines AndMedics
15:31 <+LiMp-SEX> much better
15:31 < MontyMort> *amuzing
15:31 < marthastewart> heh
15:31 < MontyMort> im so taking it
15:31 < GriffonZ> damn I woulda expected emails by now…hm!
15:31 < MontyMort> MontyMorts my wow name
15:31 < MontyMort> gona be….
15:31 < UTisOwn> Mutalisk Rush ?
15:31 < UTisOwn> Carrier HasArrived?
15:31 < me_funion7> gooood
15:31 < me_funion7> :)
15:31 < marthastewart> lol UTisOwn
15:31 < MontyMort> how does no news is good news mean beta?
15:31 < inhail> wtf does no news means good nes mean??????
15:32 < me_funion7> because there was no news today
15:32 < MontyMort> it almost means no beta
15:32 < me_funion7> so that is good news
15:32 <+Craftstar> it means beta today

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[14:45] <@dmuz> A 13-year-old Hong Kong boy flew into a rage and threatened his parents with a kitchen knife after his
father pulled the plug on his computer game, police said on Monday.
[14:45] <@dmuz> http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/fun.games/03/16/boy.videogame.reut/index.html
[14:49] < LordMael> hah
[14:49] < smellypooface> my grandma tried to stab me with a butter knife when i wouldn’t pause my game of pong to take
out the trash
[14:49] < smellypooface> on the atari 2600
[14:49] < smellypooface> it had no pause
[14:50] < smellypooface> but i doubt it was pong… probably more like indiana jones or something
[14:50] < LordMael> lol
[14:50] < LordMael> battle tanks!

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(Original story here) The National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health also has linked exposure to vapors from butter flavoring to lung disease in popcorn factory workers in Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska.

Health officials insist people who microwave popcorn and eat it are not in danger, although the Environmental Protection Agency is studying the chemicals released into the air when a bag of microwave popcorn is popped.

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today started out great: woke up early, it was a beautiful day so i rode my bike to work. “it’s early, i should try that secret parking spot i noticed last week” i thought, “it’s right acrost from the office so i wouldn’t have to walk the three blocks to get to work”. i parked my bike and double checked the no-parking signs. they’re always confusing… but after a minute of reading i believed myself to be safe. i looked both ways before crossing the street, there’s a bus coming but i’ve got plenty of room to run.

so i ran across the street, red biker jacket, black chaps, harley boots, ipod in pocket. i felt something happen as i’m about to reach the curb, but there’s a bus coming so i don’t stop to look back until i’m safely there. oh damn. just like in the movies. slow motion. a distinct decision tree forms in my mind. choose your own adventure:

1) stand there and watch. hope the tires of the bus miss your iPod.
2) run into the street, look death in the face and snatch your iPod out from in front of the bus. risk your life for $400.

i stood transfixed on my favorite toy, silently praying the four sets of tires would miss. although i didn’t look up at the driver, i could feel his grin. iPod all borken and bent out of shape. (pictures here) ebay: slightly used ipod (like new)…

whatever. it’s still a good day (i got a sweet parking spot) so i’m working, and decide to show off my sweet parking job to a fellow bike-riding coworker. we walk to the windows and i point to my bike, sandwiched between a DPT scooter and a towtruck. damn.

i’ve never ran so fast. the elevator has never been so slow. it was too late, the bike was already up on the truck and he wasn’t going to give me a ride to the impound lot. choose your own adventure:

1) freak out and try to get your bike down. punch the guy and pull the levers. note the meter maid is behind you… you’ll probably also have to take her out. she’s already wrote you a parking ticket, so you’ll need to steal her little scanner so they won’t be able to track you down.
2) hail a taxi and get to say “follow that towtruck”

i got to the police station on 7th and bryant before they had “registered” my bike… so i had to wait a while until it showed up on their computers. an hour and $181 later i’m back at the office. time for a soda.

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